I either say way too much…or I don’t say nearly enough. There is no happy medium with me. I’m not sure why. You would think that I would learn lessons or at least get some idea when it is going off the rails. But I seem oblivious to the fact that what is coming out of my mouth should be stopped, halted, abbreviated, or unspoken.
This morning, I was cooking breakfast, and something popped in the pan. I jumped back immediately. It certainly put me on alert. My first thought was…WOW – I could use that pop when I’m about to say something I shouldn’t or when I fail to say something I should. You know, that jolt that shocks you enough you jump back. That pop my mom probably wanted to give me across the mouth when I said something that I should not have (there were plenty of moments for that growing up).
Now, don’t think that I am sitting around analyzing my conversations…I have way too much to do for that…and that would just stress me out even more. I am more describing that feeling right after a conversation. And I don’t mean the conversations I have when I am focused, and the discussions are meaningful. I am talking about the sitting around just chit-chatting type of talk…the discussions where I am not really thinking and just talking. I end up thinking of all the unnecessary things I have said…the “filler” type of talk – the air that would be better used to blow up a balloon. I think of the important things I should have said but didn’t because so much time was spent on useless discussion.
I bring this up it reminds me to be a little more intentional. I am reminded that my days and my relationships are precious. It helps me to think about how I have the gift of spending time with others and I shouldn’t waste it. There should be plenty of laughing and encouraging…there should be joy and celebration. There should be a time for grieving together and a time for just sitting and saying nothing. There should be time for enjoying the presence of others without having to fill it with hot air better left unsaid.
Maybe…just maybe…if I am intentional…I will find that *pop* at just the right time and remember that this day, this opportunity, this friendship is a gift and I will treat it as such. And maybe I will treasure the moments. And maybe I will blow up a balloon with the rest of the hot air.