The Dream

This all started with a dream…but isn’t that how most things start?  Yet, this dream wasn’t pleasant…it wasn’t pretty…it was scary and it shook me up… I’m in my final year of Seminary.  I finish this degree in December of 2015.  It has been a long journey.  This journey has challenged me in ways that I never thought it would.  In these last years, so many things have happened – including losing my father to cancer.  I left the church I served as pastor for over 10  years.  I have struggled financially.  My income has decreased but my needs have increased…So, I guess you get the point – it has been difficult.  Many times along this journey, my family has asked me if all this was really worth it.  Was it worth it to get this Masters Degree?  I have heard, “I sure hope you make something of all this.”  I have pushed my limits and continue to do that.  I’m in my last year…I can see the end.  So, why worry about it now? Sunday night, I fell asleep just like normal…right away without a problem.  I pack so much into a day that when I finally lay down, I am out.  I can’t possibly even think any longer.  I had not eaten anything unusual or weird.  It was a normal evening.  But, the dream was anything but normal… I was driving by myself and came to a stop sign.  I put my car in park because I was having trouble seeing out my window.  I decided that it was better for me to roll down my window because it was fogged up – it is cold outside after all.  Unfortunately, rolling down my window didn’t help because it wasn’t the window, it was my eyesight.  I was going blind.  Everything was going dark.  I had initially put the car in drive, but put it back in park since my vision was becoming worse.  I turned on my emergency signal and picked up my cell phone.  Surely I could figure out how to put my passcode in and call my wife…even blind…I mean, how many times had I done this in my lifetime?  This part of the dream ends… I pick up sitting in an office (I can see).  It is a small office and the lady working at the desk is NOT happy to be there.  She really does not enjoy her job, people, or the others in the waiting room that will not be quiet.  She is at a small desk with a window between her and the waiting room.  I am at her desk with paperwork.  She keeps cutting her eyes at the people in the waiting room.  She hands me something… I end up at a house with people who I do not know there.  They know me.  They can tell I am distressed – but I am not one to show my emotion.  I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me.  I don’t want any attention.  I just want to go to my room.  It seems I have a brain tumor.  I am alone.  I tell no one. Now, here is the part of the dream that keeps playing in my head… I hear a voice ask me…was it worth it?  The voice asks me that and I realize that I cannot do anything further with this degree.  I am going blind, I have a brain tumor – it doesn’t appear I will ever do anything more with what I have learned.  But, I turn to the person and I realize that YES – it was all worth it.  All that I have learned along this journey has meant so much…the journey was the gift…the goal was not the degree…the goal was the journey and it was ABSOLUTELY worth it!  By the way, in the background, I hear my favorite song playing, “Overwhelmed” by Big Daddy Weave.  I am overwhelmed with what God has done and is doing. So, this blog is written because life is worth it.

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