SEEING THE EXTRAORDINARY

Month: May 2017

  • There is another way…

    Why do we say hurtful things to other people?  Why do we use words that demean, belittle, and discourage?  What is it that saying things negatively does for us?  What are we trying to accomplish?  What are we hoping will be the outcome?

    Sometimes, we just want to hurt people.  We are in pain and we want to see others in pain.  Sometimes, we feel bad about ourselves and we think that in order to feel better, we tear someone else down…supposedly lower than ourselves.  When we are threatened by someone else, it is easier if we can find a fault or an open wound and beat into those wounds.

    It also sounds so harsh…so evil…so vindictive.  You may be thinking that this doesn’t happen.  But take a moment and observe.  Watch a person that doesn’t get what he or she want at a restaurant…when it is wanted…how it is wanted.  Watch what happens when one person pulls into a parking space that someone else was trying to get.  Watch what happens when there is a long line to check out at the grocery store.  Watch what happens when two people are sitting together and someone else’s name is mentioned and the gossip begins.  Just watch…just keep your eyes open.

    It doesn’t have to be this way.  Bad doesn’t win.  Evil doesn’t prevail.  Gossip isn’t just a part of life.  Anger doesn’t control us.  Words don’t just slip out.  Being hateful doesn’t just happen.  There is another way.  There is another option.  And that is love and kindness.

    To have love and kindness doesn’t mean you won’t ever say anything wrong or you won’t get caught up in gossip or you won’t lose your temper.  What it does do is lessen the chances and opportunities.

    -Love and kindness don’t participate in gossip, rumors, lies.  They cannot go together.  They cannot show up in the same place.  If you gossip, you are not loving.

    -Love and kindness allows us to see others…really see them.  To “see” someone means that we don’t let what is happening in this moment define that person forever.  What the person may be saying in anger to you may be because of something completely different.  Your ability to offer love and kindness in these moments can completely change things.

    -Love and kindness gives you the opportunity to look around for ways to give and share.  So if you are waiting in line and someone behind you is struggling, you can help.  If someone takes your parking space, you move on (letting that ruin your day is just ridiculous).  If something is said harmful, respond in kindness.  It can diffuse a situation.  It won’t fix everything…but it can begin to change dynamics.  You might find that there are more opportunities to be kind and to show love…continue to reach down deep.

    What might it look like if you and I choose to go the other way…the way of love and kindness?  What kind of difference might that make?  Let’s try it and see…

  • Gift of Gratefulness

    I love the early mornings…when I sit in my living room, smell the fresh brewed coffee that calls out to me, listening only to the sound of the hum of the refrigerator and the ticking of the clock.  I think about the day…what is ahead…what needs to be done… Some days, it all seems too much and I just want to go back to bed.  I don’t want to go to that meeting or take care of that task…I don’t want to talk to anyone today…I just want to go back to bed and pull the covers over my head and call it good.  My mom always said that if you are in bed when the sun comes up, you are missing out on your day…wasting precious time.  I thought that was a bunch of bologna when I was growing up.  I was fairly sure she was just saying that so I would get started on the chores she wanted done.  Now her words actually ring true.  There are things to do…people to see…tasks to accomplish while the sun is up.  We are given this day as a gift.  Many days don’t feel much like gifts…they feel more like gag gifts…joke is on me.  But I think that is because I don’t really appreciate what I have been given.  I am reminded that those are the days I approach with a sort of smugness…like I deserve better…like I am not getting what I think I should…and it ends up being a wasted day that could have been appreciated.  But then I think…can’t I just go back to bed and appreciate that?!

    Over the past couple of months, a constant theme has been running through my life…I hear it in conversations…I see it in the pages of the books I read…I feel it in my life when I really sit and listen and pay attention…It is in the sound of the rain and in brightness of the sun…in the smell of coffee and in the stress of everyday life…it is in the sounds of my children’s voices…and in the quiet of the morning run…it keeps following me and reminding me and bringing me back… it is GRATEFULNESS.

    I’m fairly hard headed…stubborn…determined… whatever you want to call it.  So it takes hearing things over and over before it begins to sink in.  This idea of gratefulness is powerful, though.  I find that when I am grateful, I see things around me completely different.  When I am grateful, I may still want to pull the covers over my head – but I realize that in being grateful for the gift of this day…I have to move forward and see what joys and challenges are ahead.  I realize that even though there will be stressful moments and encounters I would rather not have, gratefulness reminds me that God is shaping me, strengthening me, and guiding me to something better.  Gratefulness reminds me that even when life is really tough and I just don’t feel like it…the gifts that I have been given are held in this day…and I don’t get this day again.  If I eat in gratefulness, I really appreciate the access to food that I have…if I exercise in gratefulness, I am not suffering – but growing and getting stronger through it all…if I do my job in gratefulness, I begin to understand that this is a gift that allows me to use my talents and give back from what I have been given…if I am grateful in this moment, I treasure the good and the bad – for I am becoming a little bit closer to that for which I was created.  As Mother’s Day is approaching…I realize how grateful I am for my mom and all of the wonderful women who have been such a powerful, influential part of my life…helping to shape and mold me.  What are you grateful for today?img_0623

  • Stand up…speak up – for those who can’t

    Growing up, I was an easy target for being picked on.  I was a really skinny, quiet, short boy who would have preferred to disappear in the background.  I liked to do things my way which was different than most – which brought even more harassment.  I wasn’t just picked on by the kids at school…there were those adults who felt that harassing me and calling me names would make me a stronger person.  All it really did was make a promise to myself to never be like them.  As for the kids, they left a vivid imprint in my memory that shows back up every now and then.  I mostly hear their voices when things aren’t going so well.  It has taken me a while to quiet those voices and choose to hear voices that remind me that I am who God made me to be and that’s better than okay.  And I am thankful for those who were willing to stand up for me, defend me, be my voice and help me when I couldn’t do that for myself.  They kept me moving forward when I wasn’t sure I could.

    I did eventually grow up and begin to find my own voice.  It at first appeared as a harsh, snide sarcasm.  That was probably from years of saying nothing at all when I really wanted to punch someone – sorry I was a bit bitter.  The problem (as if it needs to be stated) is that I was a really small wimpy kid – and at the core of me, I don’t really believe violence solves anything.  I don’t believe it solves anything, not because I am a small guy – but because I haven’t seen it work well for the “stronger” folks either.  It just seems to be anger misdirected.  And, I am working to curb the sarcasm – that doesn’t always come off well either.

    I write this as an adult with many years separating my school days and now.  Yet, I hear and see this type of stuff all the time…as I look around, hear the news, or read social media…I still see people “picking on” others.  It seems that intimidation, name calling, pointing out weakness… is the name of the game.  The way to make it is to belittle someone else so that you can feel better.  I’m not even talking about kids…I’m talking about grown folks…people who SHOULD know better.  And I’m not talking about uneducated people…I’m talking about educated, intelligent people – some of them we have been elected to represent us in various places.  Some of them even claim to follow Jesus or feel they are representing him.

    The Jesus I read about and try to follow – he shook up a whole host of “established” institutions – and often shook up those who felt that they were following God but really looking out for themselves.  He reminded the religious that they were to be the voice of those who had no voice.  He reminded those in power to take care of the widows, the orphans, and those who were being treated unjustly.  He took the time to get to know those who were tossed out of the temples and weren’t allowed in the gates of worship.  He took the time to heal those who had been long forgotten and were thought to be useless.  I see and hear quite a bit of name calling…finger pointing…arguing…fighting…selfish greed (and I bet you see and hear it too).  And we wonder why we have trouble with kids picking on other kids?

    What I don’t see enough of is people working together…despite their differences.  I don’t see enough people loving others, encouraging, lifting up…caring for those who can’t care for themselves.  What might happen if some of this energy fighting were put to good use collaborating?  Are we so stuck in our own ways and our own ideas that we have lost sight of what is really important?

    I’m not a pessimist – all is not lost.  There are really good things going on around our world.  There are people who are banding together and making a difference.  There are people standing up for those who can’t stand.  There are those who are being the voice of those who have no voice.  But they seem to be too few – or at least not those with the loudest voice…or at least not yet.  That’s why I think it is the optimal time for Christians and those of faith to stand up – despite our differences – and be the example of what it means to love, lift up, encourage, stand with, and be the voice of those who have no voice.  What kind of example might we be for those who come after us?  What are we really showing with our actions, our words, and even our social media posts?  How might our voices be heard…the voices of kindness, love, peace…and even collaboration?  May our voices be heard loudly, clearly, and with unity.